Following on from last night’s ‘victim’ poem, tonight’s offering is seeing things from the perspective of the narcissistic abuser …
You wanted so much, you wanted to live,
But you didn’t realise I have nothing to give.
My life runs on empty which is why I need
Your love and attention so my void I can feed.
I’m a chameleon, a snake, a lover in one,
But I cannot disclose the things I have done.
My life is a cycle, a never-ending wheel
Of a lifeless interior, all dressed-up to steal.
My yes is my no and my maybe a curse,
You’ll never quite know just how perverse
My lying, deceit and moving baseline
Will mess with your head until you’re fully mine.
Why should I care whether you float or capsize
When you are my source who lives in my lies.
I do not care what has been said or been done
Because I change my mind and my story for fun.
Your feelings mean nothing, I prey on your life.
To me you’re an object, to friends you’re my wife.
I need your attention, though any will do:
Good, bad or ugly, it’s not up to you.
Our life is a farce and to me it’s a game,
If you step out of line I’ll destroy your name.
I’m clever, I’m devious: had a long time to learn.
Since I was a child and that’s why I burn.
I’m locked in my past, my pain and my hurt,
Like a crouching tiger I’m always alert
For targets and victims on whom I can prey
Without our friends realising how much you must pay.
I move in the shadows of friendships you’ve won.
They’re useful for now; soon they’ll be gone
When no longer they serve myself or my needs;
No longer a source on which ego feeds.
I conquer, divide, then conquer some more.
Building my need whilst you’re on the floor.
Sucking your life with the help of my friends
Spitting you all out when my need ends.
Control is my mistress; confusion my slave.
Lies are my language, surprise is my wave
That batters and breaks, releasing your tears
As you see no escape, imprisoned in fears.
I move like a Ninja, I cut like a knife.
I pierce like an arrow, bleed out your warm life
With stone cold precision and empty, dead heart.
Two people together, but you have no part.
If you dare to break free, I’ll crush you in pain.
I will win at all cost, I will win for all gain.
You have no Plan B because I am in charge,
Your master, your spectre, larger than large.
I’ve stolen your voice, your esteem and your worth.
Why should you have any? I lost mine at birth.
I’ve moulded and formed you with sinister care,
Then skinned you alive, alone in my lair.
When people find out how much they were wrong
It won’t bother me for I’ll be long gone.
Playing my games, pursuing my prey;
Living my hell, surviving my day.
My mask is my strength, deceit is my ploy.
I look like a man but inside I’m a boy.
Revenge is my motto, admit no mistake.
If they see I am guilty my mask it will break.
I need to be perfect, I need to be me.
No hope for the future, no hope to be free.
Driven by anger and crippling esteem.
I’m not who you think: I’m not who I seem.
Emotions are vacant from my soul and my heart.
I cannot relate, cannot play my part.
I need you to love me yet do not know why.
But give me the chance and your soul I’ll buy.
I’m funny, I’m danger, I’m anger in one.
I’m soul of the party, I’m hell when they’ve gone.
I’m witty, I’m generous, but please do not stare;
In case you discover I’m your worst nightmare.