The message of this blog really is that simple; “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AS YOU ARE!”
The biggest & I believe, most destructive lie we are sold today is that “You need to look like this, be this, achieve this, to be accepted.”
If I could spit ‘in blog’ you’d be very wet 🙂
I am weary of meeting broken people who are as capable & deserving of the same chances in life as the rest of us BUT have had their chances stolen by the lies of others, especially parents, peers & the media.
I know there are many who have worked to overcome unbelievable odds to survive & make a success of life. They have my wholehearted applause.
But they are the minority.
Sure, we all have a personal responsibility to make a success of our lives & what we do, to take chances, to survive in today’s all-too-often cut-throat world.
BUT what about those who have grown up never quite being good enough, never being told they are loved or valuable, always being a trophy child being set expectations to make up for the failure of their parents?
They are often so discouraged, insecure, desperate for approval, severely lacking drive or confidence that to take a simple step feels like jumping the Grand Canyon.
What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if people don’t like me? What if I can’t live up to the expectations of others? What if? What if?
Crippled by a need to perform & dominated by a sense of foreboding & failure they are paralysed like a rabbit caught in car headlights, unable to make any moves. For too long they have swallowed the lies fed to them & now those lies are an integral part of their personality. They simply cannot believe something good can happen for fear of failure, or fear that they don’t deserve it. They cannot separate fact from fiction. They dare not believe anything that is positive.
Isn’t it time we started feeding some reality into these situations, feeding these people with some truth rather than creating personality anorexia through abuse & lies?
I have never suffered at the extreme end of this spectrum but many of these messages are very familiar to me. “Oh dear!” “Try harder!” “Why can’t you be like …x…?” “That wasn’t very good was it?” are all phrases that were a part of my life for too long. I am now 55 & I did not discover any remedies or antidotes for these messages until I was in my mid- to late-40s, at a time when in the eyes of those around me, ‘I had achieved so much!‘
“What have you to be depressed about?” was a question asked by one of my bosses a number of years ago. They could not make the connection that although in their eyes I had achieved so much, had so much, had done so much meant nothing to me. The core message playing almost continuously in my head was, “You need to do more, be seen with these people, work harder, work-out more, put your stamp on things, take responsibility & go for it, make sure you’re accepted, make sure you have things in common with these people” etc etc before I was of any use/value/worth/fill in your own words.
Lies! Lies! Lies!
The one thing I am learning, re-learning, being reminded of is I am acceptable/beautiful etc AS I AM, NOW!
- I KNOW I have a long way to go
- I KNOW I am not sorted
- I KNOW I still struggle with seemingly trivial things
- I KNOW I struggle with thinking people want to speak to me
- I KNOW I sometimes run & hide when I should be out there doing
- I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW!
BUT I also know that I have made a start & an am moving in the right direction.
PLEASE don’t ever let others dictate who you are or steal your sense of worth & opportunity to live & enjoy life.
PLEASE accept that the greatest critic is often ourselves not others (even though it is the words & actions of others that have got us to where we are).
PLEASE realise that forward movement is possible, though it is never painless & requires personal commitment along with help & support from others.
PLEASE allow those around you whom you do trust & can depend upon to help you.
It is a rocky road & often a steep path BUT it does have a destination & it does get smoother, more level, even downhill as you walk along it.
PLEASE REMEMBER: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AS YOU ARE, WARTS N’ALL.
Realising that is a whole new ball game but this is the truth.
- EVERYONE screws up.
- EVERYONE has doubts.
- EVERYONE fails.
- EVERYONE lacks confidence at some time.
- EVERYONE falls short of standards they set.
You are no different to the people you think are the most successful in life. They’re probably just better at hiding it (especially if they are a high-profile figure with a press officer). The disaster stories confirm that this is true. People ‘with everything going for them‘ crash & burn, just like we do. This is the reality of life.
What they are striving after as much as you& I is the understanding that they are special, the knowledge that they matter & the awareness that they are beautiful. That does not come in meeting standards set by others; it comes from the quiet voice within that says, “It’s okay to fail, cry, mess-up, make mistakes, have spots, not have perfect skin, have wrinkles, have crooked teeth … ” etc etc.
After all, if we try to be someone else the World is missing an important piece of the jigsaw; YOU & without that piece it is a more incomplete place.
Thanks for reading my meanderings again & I’d love to hear your comments or experiences.
Take care until next time …