I could write essays on the reasons why this is so, but in today’s short post I want to suggest a simple & practical approach to helping those in this situation: show them something different!
It can be too easy to get caught up in the emotion & situation that we miss the cry at the heart: here is someone who, by virtue of the fact that they exist, has an inherent worth, despite what some people (including the people themselves) may say or think.
So, a simple example may be that if they’ve been let down by someone, actually demonstrate that not everyone is the same & that the person we’re helping really is worth investing time & effort in because of who they are not what they can do for us or others. Help to rebuild their confidence; help them to recognise their value; help them to move forward & develop. We can always help someone & we may never appreciate how significant we are/can be/have been in their future life. After all, someone taught Einstein maths 🙂
If you’ve read my posts before you’ll know that high self-esteem is not something I boast very often BUT I am thankful that beneath all of the rubbish that goes on, I do know that I have an inherent worth; it’s just sometimes I don’t appreciate quite where or how I fit in 🙂
My heart bleeds when I meet lovely people who are resigned to receiving second or third best.
This may be because of what’s happened to them in the past, what others have said or done to them more recently; it can be for a hundred different reasons but I think the important solution is that we take as much time as we have to show them something different.
I’m not necessarily talking about sacrificing great chunks of our life to help these people, although for some, that may be something they feel the need to do.
What I am suggesting is that we offer realistic support through our actions & presence, whether that is through a text, e-mail, telephone call, Facebook message, visit, inviting them round or however. The most important factor is, I think, that we are realistic & make a commitment that we can honour. There has been so much damage done by the well-intioned among us who then find that we cannot maintain our unrealistic commitment & pull out, leaving the recipient with many questions & usually an even lower sense of value.
At the moment, more than ever, I am truly grateful to people who have committed themselves to support me at a level that is realistic for them. Sometimes we may be called to great sacrifice for others, usually not, but isn’t that what friendship is really about?
Or am I just expecting too much? 🙂
Until next time …