Loneliness the Killer

Loneliness is a killer!  Literally; spiritually; emotionally.

Loneliness has little to do with how many people you are with but a great deal to do with who is with you and who are you when you are with them. 

Some of the loneliest people I know are those who are also the busiest!  They spend lots of time doing things, going to events, being at the centre of activity but they are lonely as hell!  Their driver is often the insecurity of “What happened if I stop?”  “Who will notice me?” “I’ll have to face up to my uncertainties” or perhaps “They’ll see the real me!”  The saddest part is that the things they’re afraid of showing to others are the very things people see most clearly in the midst of the activity and busyness.

Others are lonely through no fault of their own.  They spend time trying to make friends with others, but their efforts are not reciprocated: people are too happy to exist in their own little cliques and secure groups to allow anyone else in … or worse … they just are blind to those around them!  I remember back in the late 1960s when we moved from a town to a village … the difficulty with being accepted as something other than an ‘East Winder’ i.e., someone who wasn’t born in the village was very difficult.  Even when we got to know a few people there was a definite ‘us and them’ mentality.  It seemed that nothing we could do would ever get over the barrier.  We were in their hands … when/if they decided to let us in was their decision, and for some that decision was never made.  We remained outside their camp until they died.  So sad.

Others are in relationships that have gone cold and they feel trapped, unloved, unappreciated or simply forgotten.

What can we do for lonely people? 

Perhaps the first thing is to keep our eyes open and see them.  Another thing is spend time with people who are able to make time for others … you’d be amazed how quickly it can ‘rub off’ onto others.  Another is to allow yourself to lower the barricades sufficiently for others to see that you are no different to them.  Offer a supportive word, a helping hand, a cup of tea or coffee, some friendship or company, or even a bit of your time. 

We all need friendships and relationships.  They are the lifeblood of successful human interaction.  Sometimes, just sometimes people are lonely because of us, not because of themselves.  A shift in our thinking can make all the difference.

About waywood

Hi & Welcome to my thoughts. I share subjects that are important to me. As you’ll notice, these subjects can be quite broad & varied. I like variety; I like breadth & I like a challenge. I am passionate about helping others overcome their fears, grow in confidence & succeed. Although many people would label me as an achiever, I have battled low confidence, low self-esteem & a couple of nasty, long periods depression over the years. I can’t say, “I know how you feel” but I can hopefully empathise & offer some of the things that are helping me to turn my life around. Please feel free to comment, share & enjoy. Take care, best wishes & keep well Stuart
This entry was posted in barriers to friendship, barriers to relationship, building relationships, challenge, cultivating friendships, encouragement, friends, Friendship, fulfillment, fulfilment, honesty, inspiration, integrity, life's like that, loneliness, lonely people, motives, principles, relationship, relationships, respect, rural life, trust, village life, wise use of time and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Loneliness the Killer

  1. Vivianna says:

    What a nice essay. I am lonely. I am not very busy going to places in the midst of activity. I embrace loneliness as part of my life, but it is painful and at times, almost unbearable. I completely relate to your family’s experience in the 60’s. It’s cruel, but true. And perhaps not much can be done. I did not get my quota of human contact today and therefore I have insomnia. I am sure that if I had connected with someone, even husband, I would be sound asleep right now. Hard not to feel cheated, but who to blame? Oh yes, I can blame a wagon-full of people that have not responded to my sincere shows of caring and friendship, but that only embitters, and I don’t want to become bitter. I hope I never do.
    If you’re still reading, you are a compassionate person. Hungry, V

    • waywood says:

      Hi Vivianna

      Thanks so much for taking the time to respond and for your kind words. I am really sorry to hear of your situation.

      From my personal experience, and without trying to sound trite, the only person who has been able to help me in times of total isolation and loneliness is Jesus. I have been there many times and whenever I have cried out to him, he has never failed (and I’ve had to do that from some pretty sticky situations!).

      Even when I have felt like I’m too far off the track that he will never hear me, or want to hear me, he has. Some of his last words were “I will never leave you or forsake (forget about) you.” Those words apply to each and every person.

      So, even if you’re feeling rubbish and find it hard to take in, the reality is that no matter how we feel, Jesus always feels the same way about us … we are the apple of his eye, special and deeply loved.

      I wish you a very happy and peaceful New Year and trust that your loneliness will become history in 2009.

      God bless.

      Stuart
      stuart@waywood.com

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