Emotion - The Hidden Time bomb

I’m always amazed at how quickly time flies.  I can’t believe it’s so long since I put finger to keyboard … but hopefully, it’s been worth the wait.  So wax up your hackles and here we go …

I’m currently looking at the question of ‘What is intelligence?’ and have found some interesting discoveries, perhaps the most significant being the impact of our emotions; or lack of them.  We struggle or we thrive in an education system that rewards the high-flyers; an education system which also pretty much ignores those who try hard but don’t always ’succeed’.  Oh sure! Individual schools may vary in their approach but the UK Government in its blinkered arrogance continues to groom academics who will fit nicely into the nineteenth or early twentieth century. 

Let’s face it, if we look at education, who are the successes?  Those who become university lecturers … and perhaps those who have a nice job in the city and a six figure income.

But what if the foundation of our assessment of ’success’ was severely flawed?  What if we have chosen the wrond scales to measure ability?  What if, in our clambering for figures, numbers, statistics and proof of our performance we are continuing to tread on those who don’t fit our criteria, BUT are incredibly intelligent?

No! I’m not talking in riddles, rhetoric or nonsense. 

Education is supposed to provide the skills for life including, but not exclusively for employment. But much of the foundations are crumbling because the current perception of intelligence is wrong:  Intelligence is NOT about being able to complete IQ tests.  It is NOT about being logical and deductive.  Intelligence is about engaging our whole brain successfully.

We perpetuate an education system that is analogous to a 100 metre sprinter who trains only their left leg for a key race.  A rediculous thought isn’t it?  Yet we put up with the falacy that if we train only one side of our brain we are intelligent!!  How can that be?

What would happen if you took a bunch of top mathematicians and asked them a series of questions on the arts, on emotional balance, on colour and hue.  Would they score highly?  I don’t think so.  Would we then turn around and say, ‘You’re not very bright are you’?  I don’t think so. 

And yet … every day, millions of children in our schools tolerate the same misjudgement.  Why?  Because they are artists; or dancers; or sculptors; or painters. They don’t fit the logico-deductive mould but they are very intelligent.  And what’s more, they can usually engage with their emotions pretty well too, certainly better than those who cream off many of the academic (i.e., Maths and sciences) awards at the annual presentations.

With our obsession for numeracy and provision for an economic climate based on these skills we have strangled the creativity out of most children by the time they are 11 years old.  By the time they leave scchool or university, we have academic successes but who are a mystery to their own emotions, and their own emotions are a mystery to them.  They know not how to engage them or use them.  In the current, rapidly changing economy, the creativity we have successfully stifled is no ,longer an option; it is pre-requisite to survival, especially for businesses (I would argue, for everyone).  But we have successfully and systemmatically produced a creative vacuum. 

The old economy is disappearing; the new economies arising; and still we fuel the void.  The result is people who know longer understand the basis dynamics of interaction; at home; at school; at work; with peers or friends.  The result is people who resort to temper and violence to resolve issues because they have no understanding or ability to connect with themselves.  The result is people who have lost their true identity  … and we all pay the price.

Can it be reversed?

We need systems and people to help us re-engage our passions and the natural creativity we have had squeezed out of us since the age of 4 or 5. 

We need people who can draw along side us to help us realise that we are all creative; we just need to discover how and where. 

Then we need a dose of emotional realisation to combine with our left-brain, rational thinking and we have a recipe for success.

The bomb is ticking … will we be able to diffuse it in time?

Happy Easter

Firstly Happy Easter to everyone who reads this column.  This is  as special time of year for me.  However, my celebrations were rather curtailed today by a young drummer and his percussionist friend who introduced a new concept to the word ‘crucifixion’! 

One of  my major interests as many will know is creativity and its application to all areas of our life, but particularly in music.  These players (particularly the drummer who rates himself as ‘good’)  were so creative I was confused.  Just about every other line of various songs were treated to a variety of styles, few of which fitted, and none of which added to these particular songs.  It was a great example how when we lose sight of our role and forget to listen to the music, we add little to the song, in fact we run the risk of killing it! “Less is more” was more than adequetely substituted by “More is Less” in this case.

Some will accuse me of being rather hard on this player especially those in the Church who feel that criticism is not allowed, particularly if you belong to certain families (with which I totally disagree).  I tend to agree that criticism that discourages people should be avoided wherever possible and try to offer help rather than criticism.  But when the help falls on deaf ears and those we try to help continue to do things as they’ve always done them, at that point, the swear word ’responsibility’ comes into play.

Maybe if he spends a bit more time listening to what others in the real world say to him things would move forward. The adulation of family and friends, whilst well intended only makes things worse. 

Here in Loughborough we are part of an Easter initiative called the bigger picture and are hoping to set a new World record for the largest ever painting by numbers.  This is a great analogy of playing as part of a band or team … we all have our part to play as part of the bigger picture.  Interestingly one panel has been painted in totally diffrent shades to the several hundred others.  Where is the eye drawn?  To that one panel that stands out.

Today’s musical events are so applicable to the picture … we choose the wrong colours and textures, or ignore what the rest of the picture is saying and we stand out for all of the wrong reasons. 

So did I enjoy my Easter celebrations?  Yes I did!  And despite what people may say about these things being individual, I feel that where people meet together to celebrate, such as in a church, they are also very much corporate.  We celebrate Easter together and therefore, each of us has a responsibility to help others celebrate too.  We’re all bricks in the wall or pieces in the jigsaw, and just as a missing brick or missing piece weakens the structure or spoils the picture, so we have the ability to kill other people’s celebrations when we contribute to that hole in the wall.

I really do wish you a Happy Easter …

and I really do wish some drummers would hang up their sticks until they learn to be part of a band … not star of the show.

Until next time!

Balanced Diet - Intake vs Output

No!  I’m not talking about ‘Weightwatchers’ but about life in general.  But starting with a diet. 

What is a diet? 

Too often the term is used to mean ‘abstinence’:  of food, drink, cream cakes!  However, the word diet means nothing more than what we take in.  That can be food, knowledge, focus… etc.

A balanced diet is little more than when our intake is balanced by the output.  So if we eat more high energy food we need to do more high energy exercise to burn it off.  If we eat just before we sleep we expect our pants to tighten.  In short, if our intake exceeds our output, there will be problems.  The same is true when our output exceeds our intake.  Our diet is no longer balanced.  It is pretty much impossible to upset the balance and still expect ourselves to perform at maximum potential.

So what if we look at life in general and apply the same principle of intake and output? 

Well, from experience I know that if I’m not balanced I’m in for problems!  I spent years giving out much more than I was taking in.  The result was running on empty until I could run no more and my system shut down in an attempt to recuperate: the result was nearly two years off work with depression.

At the other end of the scale I have spent lots of time taking in, taking in, taking in; without giving out.  The result was incapacity through loss of sight of the world outside my door.  I became the centre of what mattered.  No-one else really mattered.  The result was a slow exile to isolation.

I’m learning slowly, with the help of friends that my life needs a balanced diet in all areas.  Loss of balance leads to loss of health, be that mental, spiritual, physical etc.  Loss of perspective of who I am amidst a world full of people with needs and insecurities (similar to my own in many instances) leads to tension, blindness and a gross distortion of my own importance.

So I’m trying to focus on the BALANCED in balanced diet rather than diet. 

Hopefully, the continual need to deprive myself of the things I like and enjoy will be replaced by reality: sacrifice is part of that balance.  However, when taken out of context it leads to distortion of reality and we look at things in a negative light rather than enjoying the benefits and joys that balance brings.

There’s lots more that could be written, but for now here’s to Lurpak (in moderation of course).

One Big Sky

At last, after recording, mixing and mastering the first piece of evidence for our existence is released! 

You may remember my blogs in February from ICC Studios in Eastbourne where we were recording the ‘albumette’.  Well One Big Sky officially released a 4 track ‘EP’ on Wednesday 4th March 2008.  Details of the band, and all tracks on streaming audio can be experienced at http://www.myspace.com/onebigskyband. 

We are available for booking now and can fit into any size of venue, from front room to concert hall.  We are also performing an increasing number of gigs (schedule at myspace) and very soon, our web site, http://www.onebigsky.info will be up and running.

If you want to meet us soon, Phil, Rob and myself will be accompanying Esther Alexander at Cafe Nero, Camden this Thursday, 13th March at about 6pm.

 Hope to see you at a venue soon.

Life’s Furnace

I’ve just returned from lunch with a good friend.  Apart from the usual catching-up we discussed our lives and where we thought we are heading. 

This was significant as my friend’s mum has been ill for some time and then last week the dreaded statement, “We’ve found a shadow on her liver” rang out in the deadness of the consulting room. 

For seven days my friend has been unable to focus on anything else.  In the blink of an eye, apparent uncertainty had changed to certainty of the wrong and unexpected kind.  Her life potentially was at the point of taking an unexpected change of direction.  the future was potentially certain and yet uncertain.  There was no room for trite or thoughtless responses on my part:  I could offer nothing but a listening ear and a guarantee of my support in whatever form was needed.  My experiences were irrelevant; how could I know what she was going through?  She wasn’t me.  But we both knew that having been through losing my own mother, deep down there was a bond of understanding and friendship that said,”I’m here and know something of where you’re walking.”

We talked about the questions that flew endlessly through her mind; questions which were all so unanswerable: the usual ‘What if’ scenarios!  We concluded that we can never really be prepared for what is around the next corner.  At some stage we all have some sort of shock that shake us to the core and though we may ask streams of questions we may not receive anything like a sensible answer.

I’m thankful for my friend and I know she has been thankful for me, because amidst all the uncertainty we know that the one certainty is that we will be there for each other.  We’re also thankful that we are able to support one another and as we wrestle with our uncertainties there is a solidity to our friendship that is strengthened and developed amidst the furnace of life’s challenges.

HOW MUCH?

How much does it cost to forgive?
An ounce of pride;
Harsh words left unspoken;
The past put behind us;
Hope for the future.

How much does it cost to be unforgiving?
A lifetime…

Thank You

I’ve probably made it clear by now that there are some things in life that to me, are essential.

 One is friendship, another relationships and then there are all the bits of icing on the cake that make life enjoyable.  One of those is when you take time to write in and let me know your news and views on things I have written.  I read every word of every e-mail and am amazed at how many people either are going through, or have been through really tough times; times that are emotionally draining; times that are painful; times that are bewildering; times that are frustrating; times of despair.  And amongst that pain you take time to send me your views and experiences.  So, I just want to say thank you.  Thank you that you care enough to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard); that you care enough to put things that must be hard to write.

I hope that my words don’t seem trite; I have been in some really dark places (including an unexpected attack of serious depression) which at the time seemed like the world would end.  There was no light at the end of the tunnel and no matter how hard I prayed, no light appeared.  But thank God for friends who were prepared to stand by me and make themselves vulnerable so that I could open up to them, or even just sit with them in silence.  Thank God that one of my friends was prepared to stick their neck on the line for me and say that they thought God was telling me that the light would soon be visible … even when I was in a desperate situation.  And you know what?  The light did appear; flickering and dim at first.  But as it grew brighter and shone into my shadows, I could see where healing was taking place, where bits of me that were getting in the way had been stripped-off and where new shoots of hope were growing.

So whether you believe in God or not, all I can say is that I know from Him doing the impossible for me, that He is there and does care.

Thank you that you allow me into your lives and I hope that a bit of what I have to say through my ramblings may help you, whatever your situation.

God Bless.

Stuart

Sunrise and Music

As I sit here writing, the sun is setting and the sky is full of colour.  I am reminded of my recent recording tip to ICC Studios in Eastbourne (you may remember that I wrote a few memoirs from the studio).  Sunrise and sunset are two of my favourite times of day, times when I am inspired to write and think and contemplate.

One of the joys of getting up early is that you get to see the sun at the front of the day (we never saw it at the end because we were making music until late into the night).  Here are three pictures of a sunrise over Eastbourne taken in early February whilst many were still in the land of zeds!

Loneliness the Killer

Loneliness is a killer!  Literally; spiritually; emotionally.

Loneliness has little to do with how many people you are with but a great deal to do with who is with you and who are you when you are with them. 

Some of the loneliest people I know are those who are also the busiest!  They spend lots of time doing things, going to events, being at the centre of activity but they are lonely as hell!  Their driver is often the insecurity of “What happened if I stop?”  “Who will notice me?” “I’ll have to face up to my uncertainties” or perhaps “They’ll see the real me!”  The saddest part is that the things they’re afraid of showing to others are the very things people see most clearly in the midst of the activity and busyness.

Others are lonely through no fault of their own.  They spend time trying to make friends with others, but their efforts are not reciprocated: people are too happy to exist in their own little cliques and secure groups to allow anyone else in … or worse … they just are blind to those around them!  I remember back in the late 1960s when we moved from a town to a village … the difficulty with being accepted as something other than an ‘East Winder’ i.e., someone who wasn’t born in the village was very difficult.  Even when we got to know a few people there was a definite ‘us and them’ mentality.  It seemed that nothing we could do would ever get over the barrier.  We were in their hands … when/if they decided to let us in was their decision, and for some that decision was never made.  We remained outside their camp until they died.  So sad.

Others are in relationships that have gone cold and they feel trapped, unloved, unappreciated or simply forgotten.

What can we do for lonely people? 

Perhaps the first thing is to keep our eyes open and see them.  Another thing is spend time with people who are able to make time for others … you’d be amazed how quickly it can ‘rub off’ onto others.  Another is to allow yourself to lower the barricades sufficiently for others to see that you are no different to them.  Offer a supportive word, a helping hand, a cup of tea or coffee, some friendship or company, or even a bit of your time. 

We all need friendships and relationships.  They are the lifeblood of successful human interaction.  Sometimes, just sometimes people are lonely because of us, not because of themselves.  A shift in our thinking can make all the difference.

Slippery Slope Upwards

I am often asked why I left the pharmaceutical industry when so much seemed to be going well for me.  Well, after the company I worked for was bought out by another company I had two choices …  stay on with little hope of any job satisfaction or take redundancy.  Being faced with such a choice, the decision was not difficult!

Since I have been out of the corporate jungle, I have been able to look back on key events and people who made an impact on me (for good and bad) and one thing strikes me … those who made a positive impact were those who had time; those who made a negative impact were either “Sorry, too busy to stop,” “Just need to get to the next meeting,” or were simply on that slippery slope to the top … no-one else would get in their way!

I hope that as I deal with others no-one can ever say that I was too busy, too busy, too tired, too important or whatever excuse I may come up with to notice others. 

From experience, those who go furthest in life are those who have a real perspective on their time and how to use it effectively … those who go furthest up the corporate ladder?   I’ll let you answer that.